Gawker: Bees, Beef and Bloggers
OK, I have a confession to make about my biggest phobia. First of all let me state for the record most bugs/vermin do not bother me, if you live in this city you can't be bothered by rats or roaches because they are everywhere. At my old apartment on 63rd street it went through a period where I could not go a week without seeing a mouse or a roach cruise by, and I got so used to it I could almost tell that the mice and roaches were upset that I was not freaking out anymore. I assume like any decent villains would they were plotting to temporally team up and combine their powers to defeat me. If I would not have moved out before they unleashed their assault I fully would have expected to see an army of roaches riding bareback on top of the mice cracking a whip while shouting "Yaaaa!, Yaaaa!". And yes, seeing a roach ride a mouse would have freaked me out.
The truth is I am deathly afraid of bees and wasps (the bug, not White Anglo Saxon Protestants). Probably my absolute favorite thing about living in New York City is the lack of either of these sinister creatures. The problem is when other people discover that I have this phobia is usually when a bee or was
p is actually present and I dart off as fast as I can like a school girl. Last summer we were at Cape Cod and a bee landed on our lunch table and I almost knocked over two other tables as I ran out of the courtyard and into the inside part of the restaurant. A few years ago when St. Louis Cardinals broadcaster Jack Buck died there was a memorial at Busch Stadium. While waiting in the very somber and quiet line to enter the stadium a bee started floating near my head so I started screaming "NOOOO!!!" and ran toward the parking lot. The rest of the mourners had to assume that the grief was too much for me to bear. Nope..... just a bee.
After witnessing these displays people always assume I was involved in some terrible childhood beehive incident (like Macaulay Culkin's character Thomas Sennett in My Girl only not dying) so they always gingerly approach me and ask if I was stung or attacked as a child to which I reply "Nope, never been stung in my life". Two points.... First people always tell me if you don't bother them the
y will not bother you, after I ask said person if they have been stung before they always admit that they have been stung once or twice. Well guess what..... I run every time and they never catch me. As my old pappy used to say "Run away today to live again to run away another day". Secondly I think I am more frightened of 'the streak' ending rather than the pain of being stung. I mean, no matter how bad things get I can still say to myself "Well, at least I still have that bee/wasp streak going".
Well here is the dilemma I am faced with, the bees are disappearing and no one knows why. Well I know why, I have cursed their existence since my early childhood and now some sort of higher power has finally listened to m
e. Of course nothing has been done to the wasp population which I believe to be the greater of the two evils (I enjoy honey, I will give bees that much) but we will take care of one arch enemy at a time. Funny thing though, it turns out that all of mankind needs the existence of bees for pollination purposes. Some estimates state that man could die out in four years if the bees die out. I have to tell you.... this is a tough choice for me. It's like if Lion-O from the Thundercats finally defeated Mum-Ra (if Mum-Ra produced sweet sweet honey) but now he has to save him so he himself can survive. I mean the thought of four stress free summers being able to be outdoors in the sun without the always present danger of a stinger on the cheek sounds downright delightful compared to (estimated) 55 more bee/wasp infested summers. 
Fine, I realize I am being selfish so I will call off my curse and try to be friendlier to our friend the bee and save the earth. I still maintain my hatred/fear for the wasp though, so Mr. Wasp.... you are still on my list. Of course when you remove something from your list it must be replaced with something else, so congratulations mouse mounted roaches..... your ride is coming to an end. (Also FYI for house cleaning purposes I have removed Crystal Pepsi, mission accomplished, from 'the list' and replaced it with Il Divo)
Friday, May 11, 2007
I might be the reason the earth will end in four years
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25 comments:
"First of all let me state for the record most bugs/vermin do not bother me"
Finally, we get the reason Mid moved to NY.
BTW, I suppose it's safe to assume none of the pictures above are you? Or did I just crack the mystery?
BTW, I suppose it's safe to assume none of the pictures above are you? Or did I just crack the mystery?
Well, until I rule someone out on an official "This is not me" post anything is possible.
If you ever do get stung by a bee (god forbid, of course), you can take a bit of solace in the fact that the bee will die with you. I know nothing makes me feel better than a murder/suicide ending.
Wasps, however... those bastards will kill and kill again with no remorse or consequences.
(I'm using words like "murder" and "kill" here in place of "sting" for dramatic effect)
you can take a bit of solace in the fact that the bee will die with you.
I have always admired that about bees.
Well here is the dilemma I am faced with, the bees are disappearing and no one knows why.
Global warming. Duh.
Global warming. Duh.
Actually from what I have read they think it might have something to do with cell phones.
Actually from what I have read they think it might have something to do with cell phones.
Actually, I'm more inclined to blame Bruce Ratner, George W. Bush and the Boston Red Sox. Clearly, they are responsible for the bees.
Actually, I'm more inclined to blame Bruce Ratner, George W. Bush and the Boston Red Sox. Clearly, they are responsible for the bees.
And Il Divo. Don't forget them.
Your old pappy...or your old pooch? Was your dog's first name Bret?
Vermin is an underused word.
I am also in the deathly afraid of bees and wasps category, but I had 2 traumatic attacks before age 8. And have used the 'run-away' technique since, and am sting free!
Patton
That Post brings out a Very Key point. LIFE IS JUST A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION Its not so much about not getting stung by a bee, or the end of the world coming in Four years, Its about the beauty of having an unblemished UNSTUNG streak. You have perfection in that aspect of your life and by golly, nothing can take that away from you (except of course a bee sting, that would pretty much screw up the streak for you and take it away) Good job on staying unstung. Its almost like you are another race. I mean if I wanted to be a black man, I could not, Just like if I wanted to be an unstung, its to late (I was seven, innocent and pure when I was transformed into a stungee.)anyways its the process, You go ahead and run Midwesterner, go ahead and run..I celebrate the diversity.... and just knowing you through your web site makes this world a better place, I mean Here I am a Stungee, Freely commenting on an Un-stungee's websight. This truly is a great melting pot.
Bill from Gainesville.... I am almost crying from laughing right now. Wow.
the thing about the jack buck story that the midwesterner left out is the fact that i, commentor rob, was with him at the time. i met mike at work and had only known him a few weeks when we decided to take a long lunch to go to this jack buck thing. all i really knew about him was that he was a huge cardinal fan and like myself, a star wars enthusiast ('attck of the clones' had come out just a few weeks before). i had no idea he had issues with stinging insects. so we're standing there in line, making idol chit chat, and out of the clear blue he screams 'no!!!!!!', flails his arms and takes off running, knocking some older man in the process. and when i say takes off, he litterally ran a lap around the stadium! he disappeared. remember when forest gump was being chased by those bullies in the pick up truck? he was running like that!! so there i was standing there with all these people staring at me with one of those "what the f*ck is wrong with your friend?" looks on their faces. i had no idea what to tell them. even worse was he drove us down there and i started to wonder how i was going to get back to work. after about 5 minutes, he shows up from the opposite direction all out of breath and going on and on about the huge bee that had attacked him. somehow, i continued to be his friend.
Bill from Gainesville: I'm awarding you the Ben Kabak Wow...Just Wow Award of the week. That comment is tops among all of the blogs I author/read this week.
Vermin is an underused word.
So id the word 'lousy'
somehow, i continued to be his friend.
Yeah, not sure how that happened
That comment is tops among all of the blogs I author/read this week.
I could not agree more. Your trophy is in the mail.
i'm sorry, but people over the age of six who scream and flail at the sight of a bee/wasp/hornet are incredibly obnoxious. I'm much more apt to believe that there are far more people that like the feeling and attention they get from their own hystrionics than there are people with actual bee "phobias." get over it and grow up.
I'm with you on the "run away" method - people who tell you to just keep still and the wasp will leave you alone don't seem to realise that the damn thing might decide to settle down and set up home in your hair. I had to run away from my uncle's grave as they were lowering the coffin in because there were wasps EVERYWHERE.
people that like the feeling and attention they get from their own hystrionics than there are people with actual bee "phobias." get over it and grow up.
Wow, thanks "Dr. Anonymous" for your diagnosis. What other diseases can you cure under the cloak of anonymity?
I had to run away from my uncle's grave as they were lowering the coffin in because there were wasps EVERYWHERE.
I would have done the same thing. He would have understood.
of all the things that i could take away from this gem, i have deduced two things...
1) pro wrestling is so gay.
2)i'll bet that zach braff is not afraid of wasps.!
Cajun Boy... You are right on point 1. Point 2, possibly..... either way I am drifting more and more toward his persona every day. Frightening.
you can take a bit of solace in the fact that the bee will die with you
So as long as we think of them as suicide-bombers they're okay? Is 'kamakazi-insect' politically correct too? What about 'killer-bees?' Did they declare a bee-jhad?
Yeah, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure the whole 'bees being killed' thing must part of the war on terror.
Bee stings hurt, dammit! I've only been stung once and I can't think of anything else that ever hurt as bad. Oh, maybe that one time when I almost cut my finger off on a paper cutter.
The latest theory I've heard about the bee disappearance was GMO pollen was killing them off.
i am more scared of White Anglo-Saxon Protestants.
Being scared of bees is an innate trait for us to survive and avoid bee allergies most likely.
I would consider you more fit to survive than the rest of us non-bee fearers, but if the black plague came back, you might be in some serious shit dude.
Bees won't sting unless provoked. The only time I have ever been stung is when I put my hand on one getting out of a pool. And you know that? It doesn't hurt that bad.
So strap on a pair and suck it up!
[hugs!]
Maybe WASPS should start suicide-stinging. That'd make our Presbyterian church a lot more interesting.
BTW: I have patients ask for the "Antonio Banderas" nasal spray all the time. Damn that stupid bee!
to remove a bee and/or wasp..because, let us be honest, who cares about wasps?.,..from your presence without the ugh 'crunch' noise that makes my tummy turn, go to your nearest cheap drugstore or dollar store, and buy aquanet hairspray in the purple or black can. this will freeze those little critters mid-air.
seriously.
sadly, it does not work on grasshoppers, which freak me out to the point i stand and scream like a baby if i see one within 15 feet of me.
First of all, let me tell you that bees will bother you even if you dont' bother them. Secondly, as a person who is both deathly afraid and allergic to bees and wasps, I will kill them at any opportunity I am given (within reason. I nearly died at 11 when stung by a single wasp in the temple. I don't blame you for your fear, it is warranted...
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