The first movie I ever saw in a movie theater was The Empire Strikes Back. I saw it at a theater on the corner of Manchester and Highway 141 in the suburbs of St. Louis when I was five years old. To this day it remains my favorite movie. Perhaps it has something to do with my second movie, in a theater, being Ordinary People -- not really a film intended for five-year-olds, in fact I think there is a small part of me still waiting in that theater for that god-damn movie to end -- I will never know.
In fact, I saw The Empire Strikes Back a full year before I saw the original Star Wars -- having to wait until a 1981 re-release. Of course, I fell in love with that movie as well. I collected the toys, discussed every aspect of the movies with anyone that would listen (was Vader really Luke's father?) and we even played Star Wars in the playground at recess (I think the rules involved running around the playground pretending you were piloting an X-Wing Fighter -- though, if I remember correctly, the rules to our Dukes of Hazzard game were very similar, sans the X-Wing). So yeah, Star Wars meant something to me.
Even as an eight year old I sensed a disturbance in the force after the release of Return of the Jedi. I thought it was good, but something wasn't the same as the other two movies. Regardless, for the next fourteen years I remained a loyal, and quite happy, fan. This has all changed. With the release of The Clone Wars -- I am out. I can no longer call myself a Star Wars fan. Now, this is not a rash statement based on anger -- it is actually, believe it or not, based on logic. Please hear me out.
A week ago I would have told you that I was just "uninterested" in seeing The Clone Wars. Today, after reading some trusted reviews, you would have to drag me kicking and screaming to see this abortion of a movie. From what I have read it is everything I have feared in a Star Wars film. The plot centers around Jabba the Hutt's son, nicknamed Stinky (not making this up), getting kidnapped and Anakin Skywalker and his new, hip, cool, sassy, spunky, teenage female sidekick -- who apparently refers to him as "Sky Guy" -- try to rescue him. This addition is on the level of adding Poochie to The Itchy and Scratchy Show, only for real. Fuck!
So let's do the math: this is the seventh Star Wars movie to be released in theaters. I love two of them -- Star Wars (the one released in 1977 that was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture, not the one released in 1997 when Greedo shot first) and Empire -- think one is good (Jedi), think one is bad (Revenge of the Sith), two are putrid (The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones) and another I refuse to see. How can I call myself a fan when I only like 29 percent of the product?
I am so sick of Anakin Skywalker. Why does George Lucas repeatedly try to shove this guy down our throats? Remember when we all loved Luke and Han? What happened to those characters? If you want to do a cartoon so bad, what about one about those guys? Nope. We get Anakin. Do you know why people never quite latched on to Anakin like they did to Luke? Lets see... in the future he will: kill his wife, burn Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru to death, kill Ben Kenobi, freeze Han Solo, and sever his own son's hand. Nice guy. Well that is just gold ole' "Sky Guy" for ya. Not to mention the scene where he gets caught in that tree and swings vine to vine leading a pack of monkeys... oops, sorry, wrong terrible George Lucas sequel.
George Lucas repeatedly spits out this nonsense that Star Wars was always a child's movie. I say: Bullshit! I defy anyone to watch the original Star Wars and say that movie was meant for children. Han Solo killed Greedo in cold blood at a bar, and he was the hero! Unfortunately, in the last eleven years Lucas has changed the franchise into kid's films. So now if I say "yeah, I am a big Star Wars fan," people aren't remembering Star Wars and Empire, they are thinking about the last few turds movies that came out which -- rightfully so -- makes me appear I am a fan of movies made for children. No more.
I will continue to declare my favorite movie as The Empire Strikes Back, but I must break away from my fellow Star Wars nerds that still try to hang on for something that is just not there anymore. With the release of The Clone Wars -- as Anakin Skywalker so "eloquently" put it in Attack of the Clones -- I wish I could just... wish it all away.
Friday, August 15, 2008
I Denounce You, Star Wars
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37 comments:
oh but wait, that "new, hip, cool, sassy, spunky, teenage female sidekick" is voiced by non other than the wife of your 2006 world series mvp!!!
vaderkin didn't kill his wife, she lost the will to live. now, he choked her just before she died, but that birthing robot says she just gave up.
vaderkin didn't kill owen and beru either. he had his stormtoopers do that. sure he gave the order, but he didn't kill them like he killed the sand people who kidnapped his mom. besides, vaderkin wasn't down with that whole lars family anyway. his mom got kidnapped and they didn't do anything. not that old clieg could do anything to a sand person from his hover chair, but still, i'd be pissed too if i were vaderkin.
otherwise i agree completely.
oh but wait, that "new, hip, cool, sassy, spunky, teenage female sidekick" is voiced by non other than the wife of your 2006 world series mvp!!!
My two worlds colliding.
We should have known this was coming. The 1997 re-release with the Greedo fracas was just the tip of the iceberg. Instead of making darker, moodier heroes (which seems to be the trend), Lucas turned Solo into a politically correct, kid-friendly caricature.
Yeah, I reached this conclusion after the release of "Attack of the Clones". I am not a fan of Star Wars. I am a fan of parts of Star Wars. The music, the original trilogy, a couple of books, and that's about it.
The way I see it, is that the original trilogy WAS a youth movie, BUT it was written from a classical aspect of youth so it remained open to everyone because the themes and content spoke to the youth in a person regardless of age. With these new films, they are so overly focused at 8 year old boys in America that it is amazing. We've gone from movies everyone can enjoy to movies only a tiny minority can – it does not even make financial sense.
Instead of making darker, moodier heroes (which seems to be the trend), Lucas turned Solo into a politically correct, kid-friendly caricature.
Perhaps Chris Nolan will return to The Dark Knight someday and make it less moody. Or he can just let Lucas have a whril at it.
I am not a fan of Star Wars. I am a fan of parts of Star Wars. The music, the original trilogy, a couple of books, and that's about it.
Fred, I am with you 100 percent.
We've gone from movies everyone can enjoy to movies only a tiny minority can – it does not even make financial sense.
Again, The Dark Knight proved this point.
Anakin did KILL THE EMPEROR
Midwesterner, I completely agree.
How can one be a fan of a franchise when you like less than a third of the products?
I think it all started going down hill when Lucas stopped making movies and started making vehicles to sell action figures, sometime around Return of the Jedi.
Yeah but the new force unleashed game looks pretty goddamned cool!
Agree 100 percent.
Seeing Empire in the theater at a grade school birthday party, going to Jedi with my Dad for my own birthday a few years later, collecting the action figures and then getting to the point of wanting to walk out of Attack of the Clones because it was so painful -- most of the theater was actually laughing at the acting. I went and saw the last one just for closure on the whole Star Wars experience and it left me with an okay taste in my mouth that eased the Jar Jar binks hangover. Still, for me, Star Wars has been relegated to the category of fond childhood memories.
Well put -
Ben Orbach
author of Live from Jordan
www.benjaminorbach.com
The "real" Sky Guy is from the Midwest and he is "actually" a super hero.
Proof: http://www.wnba.com/media/sky/sky_guy_04.JPG
I give George Lucas credit for creating a brilliant canon and directing one very good movie. Since then, it seems he's done everything he can to screw it up.
Despite what I've read, I'm going to see Clone Wars today. My six year old loves clone troopers and was heart broken when order 66 came down and his heroes turned into bad guys. Clone Wars is his chance to revel in some good-guy clones kicking some robot ass. Screw Anakin and his Punky Brewster-inspired side kick. He might not even remember they were in the movie.
The way I see it, the best Star Wars stories are the ones that Lucas has little or no direct involvement in. Unfortunately, this is not one of them. Oh well. In a few weeks I'll be smashing star stations as Sith-in-training and witness the seeds of the rebellion being sown in The Force Unleashed videogame. This is where I'll get my fix of the dark and complex underside of the SW universe.
Don't renounce your fandom. Just make it conditional. George Lucas = no thank you.
Didn't Anakin also murder all the cute little 'toddler jedis-in-training'? That your hero! Even though the prequels were bad, I enjoyed them as part of the story. The big problem is I can NOT watch them again. How many times have you watched and re-watched the originals?
Anakin did KILL THE EMPEROR
See, another friend betrayed.
@ben: Thank you sir
Don't renounce your fandom. Just make it conditional.
Well, now that this got picked up by the New York Times Opinionator, it might be a bit late to do that. Like I said, Empire is still my favorite movie.
Didn't Anakin also murder all the cute little 'toddler jedis-in-training'? That your hero!
Yes! Excellent point!
I saw Star Wars in the theater at age 6 and Empire at age 10. Love them both and had the toys. But I distinctly remembering my 13-year-old-self thinking the decision to include the Care Bears in Return of the Jedi was a bad idea, though my 7-year old sisters seemed pretty jazzed. Reason enough to be wary, even then.
I completely agree with your overall assessments, but wish to quibble just a bit with the "...Instead of making darker, moodier heroes (which seems to be the trend)..." comment from another anonymous.
Remember when "Star WArs" came out, the post-Watergate/post-Viet Nam world was nothing but darker, moodier characters and pictures. Think "Coming Home" "All the President's Men" "Network" "Taxi Driver" "Apocalypse Now" Even "Annie Hall" (the picture that eventually won the Best Picture over "Star Wars").
"Star Wars" wasn't just a breath of fresh air, it was a hurricane. I love dark, moody pictures as much as the next person, but a diet comprised solely of complex, labyrinthine plots, non-ending endings, and troubled, difficult, and - yes - moody characters, is unsatisfying bordering on nauseating.
The original SW was one of those rare occurences that probably should have been left alone (I shudder to think what the result would have been if Mr. Lucas and his sequel-uber-alles mentality had been around when "The Wizard of Oz" was made. That the next two SW films were even watchable is a testament not to George, but to Lawrence Kasdan, a truly great writer.
And finally, GL's comment about children's films is - at best - disingenuous. Since when does "for children" mean the same thing as "vapid, depth-free twaddle." But let's also don't blame just George. The comparison to Poochie is so obvious ( and painfully funny) that I can't imagine that none of the hundreds of people who were involved in the creation of this abomination didn't have that V8 moment. And if they did, shame on them for not sending a DVD of the show to Lucas.
In fact, I think I'm going to write a sequel to Dante's Inferno, where Dante and Aeneas get a hip, young sidekick who calls Dante "Dan the Man" and guides them to a tenth circle of hell, where people who commit the sin of sequels against beloved movies are forced to watch their drivel on an endless loop.
It's unfortunate that so many moviegoerss fall for the hype and think they "must" see the latest Star Wars film, when many quality films go unwatched.
For example, I skipped "Attack of the Clones," and watched a wonderful comedy "In July" with Moritz Bleibtreu and Christiane Paul which was playing in 1 theater in San Francisco at the time.
I just don't understand it. How can anyone possibly think "Return of the Jedi" was anything other than a disaster? The Ewoks were just as bad as the Gungans in Episode 1, except that Ewoks, in addition to being stupid, were also fake-looking.
For the record though, I still maintain to this day that "The Phantom Menace" was on balance superior to all three of the original films and even I think this new movie looks and sounds awful.
But I distinctly remembering my 13-year-old-self thinking the decision to include the Care Bears in Return of the Jedi was a bad idea
Yes, Care Bears who take down the Galatic Empire. Yes, this was the beginning of the end.
That the next two SW films were even watchable is a testament not to George, but to Lawrence Kasdan, a truly great writer.
I think the combination of Kasdan and (director) Irvin Kirschner is what made Empire do good. Lucas had a more direct role with Jedi, and it shows.
For example, I skipped "Attack of the Clones," and watched a wonderful comedy "In July" with Moritz Bleibtreu and Christiane Paul which was playing in 1 theater in San Francisco at the time.
Well, I skipped The Clone Wars and watched a wonderful comedy The Pinapple Express with Seth Rogen and James Franco which was playing in 3,072 theaters nation wide. It's kind of a similar situation, no?
I just don't understand it. How can anyone possibly think "Return of the Jedi" was anything other than a disaster?
"Disaster" is a strong word. I contend it is OK. The whole Han rescue plays out like an SNL skit. People just keep showing up individualy and getting captured one by one. Of course, the Ewoks are terrible.
For the record though, I still maintain to this day that "The Phantom Menace" was on balance superior to all three of the original films
I disagree
The first two films were great, the third a little lame. The new films all suck big time though. I like to pretend they don't exist.
I like to pretend they don't exist.
I really think this is the way to go.
I did see this movie (my 5-year-old was dying to go) and here's a nice nugget of Crap You Never Wanted to Know About the Star Wars Universe:
Jabba the Hutt has a big, gay uncle named Zero. They don't say he's gay, of course, but he dresses (er, is painted?) approximately 1.5 times as flamboyantly as the late-70's Elton John and talks like Truman Capote crossed with an old cathouse matron.
That's just one example of about 20 where you ask yourself what the blood clot is going on at Lucasfilm for this thing to have been made. It would be entertaining if it wasn't so depressing. My wife asked my son how he liked it today, and the only "characters" he mentioned were R2D2 and the lightsabers.
Jabba the Hutt has a big, gay uncle named Zero.
Yeah, I read all about this. Thanks for the update. I think I made a pretty wise choice.
You forget also that Anakin (aka "Sky Guy") refers to his padawan as "Snips" because she is a smart ass and Anakin refers to her attitude as being "snippy".
I actually saw the film. It was agony. I called my brother (with whom I saw A New Hope in July of 1977 at the Edens Theater in Skokie, IL) and told him that "I couldn't wait for it to end."
Lucas should be ashamed of himself.
I saw the 1977 film as a third-grader when it first came out and loved it, and Empire too. By 15, I was appalled by the muppetization of Jabba's lair as well as the care bearification of Endor in Jedi, but I thought the rest of that movie was cool. And I'm not nearly as snooty as others about the pre-quels. They were uneven, but I enjoyed them anyway.
But I saw Clone Wars last weekend and could not wait for it to end. I almost got up and walked out in the middle, like several people in the nearly empty theater did! It's complete garbage.
I hadn't read anything about it and thought it would be more like an Anime film or, heck, even something like the old Johnny Quest cartoons. It wasn't. Bizarrely, it was too infantile for adults, too lame for teens, but too violent (rated PG) for children. That showed in advertisements before the movie, which lurched jarringly from My Little Pony equivalents to late-teen-male action flicks. Apparently, no one knows what the hell this cesspool of a film is supposed to be.
The "sidekick" that was apparently supposed to be "hip" and "kewl" was just bratty, smug, and insufferable.
But I actually thought the only thing remotely clever or entertaining was Jabba's "flamboyant" uncle, not because it did anything to redeem the Star Wars franchise, just because it brought a brief moment of amusement to an otherwise dismal, rancid, painful, and tedious experience.
I don't play video games, so I guess I'm done as a fan, which is sad. Maybe it's time to dump the vintage toys on eBay before they Lucas' incompetence destroys their value!
MidWestie,
If I didn't resent giving Lucas my tears I would have cried with rage and recognition after reading your comments.
What the hell has this man done to us? First he was chastised by The Simpsons but he didn't learn; then he was chastised on Spaced and still he didn't get it and now its too late, now he has destroyed all the goodwill remaining in the fanbase.
I hate to say this but artistically it would have been better if Lucas had been killed in a plane crash in 1982, then we might have wondered what might have been and not had Ewoks, Anakin, Jar Jar, Temples of Doom, Mutt, Young Indiana Jones, Howard the Duck etc. etc.
Maybe killed is too strong, maybe he could have just moved to France like Terrence Mallick and quit the business for twenty years. Twenty five years of silence would have been so much more preferable than the soul destroying crap Lucas, ILM and Lucas Films has forced down our throats.
Thanks man for telling truth to power and saying it like it is which is something other well known blogs and websites (cough, AICN) are too chicken to do.
A....
I have seen the Star Wars films, but lost enthusiasm after the first three. I thought Star Wars was an attempt to return to an action serial formula that had faded and an escapist feel that was lacking at the time. I thought the same of the first Indiana Jones film. The sequels/prequels dropped off in quality. I was wondering if anyone has any theories on how both of these series seemed to devolve (apart from pure greed, which might be true, but not very interesting).
The devolution of Star Wars is very simple: It's a case of what TvTropes calls "Protection From Editors."
When the original trilogy was made, George Lucas had other people he answered to. He had people who would tell him, "Look, man, this bit just sucks and you have to get rid of it."
With these later movies, however, Lucas's iconic status means nobody can or will stand up to him when he does something dumb. He's got nobody to moderate his own worst impulses. He's free to pursue his own artistic vision in all its uncompromised glory - and as a result, all of his artistic shortcomings are glaringly on display.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, I don't believe Lucas has declined significantly as a writer or a director. He was always this bad. (You can see echoes of his hamfisted writing style and overwrought direction in "A New Hope," if you look for them.)
It's not a coincidence that the best of all the Star Wars movies, "Empire," was the one into which Lucas himself had the least direct creative input.
All this is not to discredit Lucas's strengths. His grand vision for the Star Wars universe was and is magnificent - and the prequel trilogy could have been just as brilliant as the original, if only Lucas had had the good sense to farm out the actual nitty-gritty of writing and directing to people who knew how to do it, and get a ruthless critic to tell him when he was going someplace bad.
I might be able to help pinpoint the exact moment when the series shifted irrevocably. My editor was at the ranch working on one of the novels when a friend came by shaking his head after a script meeting for "Jedi". Lucas had just made the decision to change the Wookies to Ewoks. Why? They thought they could sell more Ewok dolls than they ever could Wookies.
it was better than the prequels, but shitty.
I actually saw the film. It was agony. I called my brother (with whom I saw A New Hope in July of 1977 at the Edens Theater in Skokie, IL) and told him that "I couldn't wait for it to end."
Yikes!
But I saw Clone Wars last weekend and could not wait for it to end. I almost got up and walked out in the middle, like several people in the nearly empty theater did! It's complete garbage.
Double Yikes!
then we might have wondered what might have been and not had Ewoks, Anakin, Jar Jar, Temples of Doom, Mutt, Young Indiana Jones, Howard the Duck etc. etc.
Don't forget Radioland Murders.
I was wondering if anyone has any theories on how both of these series seemed to devolve
I have heard this theroy from other people, but I do believe it. Once people get rich and stop living in reality, it becomes hard for them to capture what people, that still live in reality, want.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, I don't believe Lucas has declined significantly as a writer or a director. He was always this bad. (You can see echoes of his hamfisted writing style and overwrought direction in "A New Hope," if you look for them.)
I think his early stuff is still good. I can't believe American Graffiti is directed by the same guy that directed Atack of the Clones.
They thought they could sell more Ewok dolls than they ever could Wookies.
Yeah, pretty obvious cash grab. It worked though, they sold a ton of Ewoks.
long ago, and far away, i stood in line to see the first, real star wars.. where we gasped and awweed and ooohhhed and billy rex almost od'd on his acid.
empire strikes back almost brought back that same excitement.
the rest?
meh.
While you did denounce it, as well, I think you meant "renounce".
High five. This shit has gotten way out of hand. New cartoon movie looks beyond retarded.
I actually read through most of these comments (which I usually don't do when they reach 30+) and I can't agree more with just about every one. My only hope lays in believing that some day not too far in the future Lucus will be out of the picture in some form or another and the powers that control the franchise will have more sense than him and turn the creative helm over to people that can actually make something grand of it as it very well deserves to be. Ya, I like long run on sentences.
I've Eternally Sunshined My Spotless Mind of everything post Empire Strikes Back. Huh?
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