Rock of (Middle) Ages

When I first agreed to do Broadway reviews, I really wanted to explore the intricacies of deep theatre. Instead, I am regulated to reviewing musicals with poop jokes and Whitesnake songs (and stealing lines from the show!). In other words: The new musical Rock of Ages was right up my alley.

First thing: there was an underlying sense of dread when I realized I would be spending the evening with American Idol fourth season finalist Constantine Maroulis, who plays Drew, the protagonist of our adventure. Now, I really have no reason to dislike Constantine. In fact, when he was on American Idol I quite often enjoyed his performances. There just seems to be a stigma with any sort of stage production featuring an American Idol non-winner. My fears, though, were unwarranted. Constantine -- playing a bar back/rock-n-roll singer -- was quite good (admittedly, the in-performance bar service might have helped).

As for the plot ... well ... there is not much of one, though, the cast and writing is very self-aware that this entire production is an excuse to sing bad-ass 1980's rock'n'roll and power ballads. Set in the mid to late 1980's, our narrator, Lonny (Jack Black Mitchell Jarvis), introduces us to Sherrie (Kelli Barrett), who just moved from Kansas to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of making it as an actress. On her first night in town -- after having her purse stolen -- she meets Drew (Maroulis's character, who was born and raised in south Detroit. Any guesses to what song will be played?) who works at a Sunset Strip bar -- along with our narrator Lonny -- owned by Dennis (Adam Dannheisser) who hires Sherrie as a waitress.

While this is happening, a German investor (Paul Schoeffler) and his son (Wesley Taylor) offer the mayor (Brian Munn) a sizable contribution in exchange for letting them purchase and develop the land the Sunset Strip is on. The mayor's secretary, Regina (Laruen Molina), revolts and stages an entire-length-of-the-show protest. Meanwhile, Dennis hires famous hair-metal singer/slimeball Stacee Jaxx (a scene stealing Will Swenson) to play a fundraiser at his bar in an effort to save the Sunset -Strip. Drew begs Dennis to let him play instead in an effort to boost his fledgling singing career and impress his new love interest, Sherrie.

Now those last two paragraphs I just wrote ... none of it matters. Absolutely none of it. The only reason this musical exists is an excuse to sing songs made famous by Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Night Ranger, Journey, Asia, REO Speedwagon, Asia and their neighbors to the west, Europe.

Spoiler alert: In the end Drew and Sherrie do wind up together. A result so contrived that characters in the show make jokes about how obvious of an ending it is. It doesn't matter, the crowd was on its feet rocking out to their favorite hits. This is a rock concert, plain and simple. In fact, I could see this show playing on Broadway. This would be a tourist paradise (I mean that in the best possible way) in which one can leave their brains at the door and just enjoy the music. And you know what: have you been outside, on the other side of that door lately? Sometimes it is not such a bad thing to not have to think about things, at least for awhile.

Rock of Ages is playing at the New World Stage at 340 W 50th St.