My Mizzou Football preview BANNED by the Mizzou Alumni Association

So. Here we are. A successful football program.


This is certainly not the Mizzou football we grew up watching. This is the new reality for the average Missouri fan, let alone the average Missouri fan that lives in New York City. The recent success of the Missouri athletic program has almost (almost!) alleviated the awkwardness associated with admitting to the average New York Ivy League graduate that, yes (!), we attended a Big XII school. Because, really, how's their football team doing?

OK, sure, we're not supposed to be as good as the last few seasons, but, hey, we still have respect from (if not from the sportswriters) the alumni of other Big XII schools! How do I know? I asked them. When I spoke to Christian Kane — who used to star on Angel and now stars on TNT's Leverage — a true blood Oklahoma Sooner, he said, "Well, s*** man. You guys have just come up. You had a bad time with it there for a while, but you guys are back, man. You guys have some really good stuff going on. It's getting to be embarrassing for us. Three National Championships we've dropped in the last, like, five years. It's just a nightmare." When I made it clear I wasn't shedding any tears for the OU program, considering they beat Mizzou in the last two Big XII Championship Games, Kane replied, "You guys really honestly deserved to be there a couple times. Anyway man, that's Big XII Football, baby!" Indeed.

Soon after, I spoke with Scott Porter. Scott knows his football; he starred as paraplegic former quarterback Jason Street on Friday Night Lights -- he also went to Nebraska. Now, again, I don't feel too bad for our recent success against Nebraska when you remember the, what, 40 years of dominance Nebraska had. "Yeah," says Porter, "we had a nice 39-year run." He laughs. "You guys would score one touchdown, the goal posts would come down." He claims he's joking; we all know there's, unfortunately, some truth in that (and the truth hurts). Of course, he ended our conversation asking me my opinion on the infamous Nebraska-Missouri "kick" from 1997. Perhaps this was a bad idea.

Again, this is supposed to be a rebuilding year. So what. It's so nice to have the "re" in front of the word "building." That means we actually had something built! And we did! As opposed to just, you know, "building." Because I've seen "building," and "building" can take an awfully long time. Yeah, the chances are we won't be quite as good as we were the last two seasons. But, in reality, the foundation is there and.. who knows? Did anyone think in 2007 we would be the number one team in the country going into our last game? Mizzou was one game away from playing for the national title! If that didn't put the fear of end times into people...

If nothing else it brings us together. Not to get too sentimental, but, yeah, it's nice to live over 1000 miles from where we went to school and still be able to celebrate a Mizzou win as if we were at Harpo's. Of course, at Harpo's you wouldn't have to worry about impressing your Ivy League co-worker with your Mizzou credentials -- though, honestly, if you were at Harpo's you might have to worry about a few too many popped collars (thank god we don't have watch parties on the Upper East Side) — but, as stated, seriously: How's their football team doing? Rowing watch parties just don't quite have the same luster to them. Do they?